Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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