i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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