Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
