I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
