She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
