she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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