i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
