hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
