Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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