could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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