My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
