This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
