How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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