I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
