he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
