Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
