dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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