Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish i was in the wii world.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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