he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
