it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
