and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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