The best revenge is premature balding
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
