Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
