I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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