i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
