it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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