I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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