i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
