The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
