I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
