No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
