Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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