3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
