the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
