Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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