meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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