The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
