1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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