Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
PANTIES FOUND
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