He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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