He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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