Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
