Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
