Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
