Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
