i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
