the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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