Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
