i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
