Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
