Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Michael Bay diarrhea
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
